"once you let something get the best of you, that's exactly what it will take."
Today is the annual Landis Family Christmas Party. Which, in all reality, is not that glamorous. But it's a good time. My aunt takes us all to Hennings for dinner, and then we retreat to (usually) her house for dessert and extended family gift exchange. However, Aunt Penny's dog, Sully, is feeling a bit under the weather, we'll say, so everybody retreated to our house tonight. Of course. And I'm exhausted, but I don't want to sleep while everybody's here and there are dogs and small children running around the house. Anyway, everybody's here.
I enjoy this. I'm in a good mood. Lately (and by lately I mean the past six or eight weeks, maybe more) I've been in this awful slump - we're talking bitter, unhappy, bitchy, overreacting, and whiny, among other things - pretty much all the time. There's no one reason why, really there's no reason at all I should be this unhappy, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was getting me down so often. I went back through facebook about a week ago and I was reading my old notes from sophomore and junior years, and notes by friends of mine - and I remembered. I remembered why I'm so down, and I remembered being so down the same time of year, both junior and sophomore year. It's winter. It's the darkness, the miserable weather, the slush, the having to be inside so much more often, the cancellation of practices, games, and concerts, the accidents people get into because of the ice, the lack of sleep, the excess of sleep. I remembered. And then I thought some more - this winter has been especially miserable, in my own mind, because on top of all the downer things I already think about winter, I've piled college applications, essays, acceptances and rejections, missing Chaz, indoor drumline, physics, college auditions, voice lessons, the strike and marching in parades, among other things. I've been stressed, which is no surprise, but the problem is that I'm not quite sure how to deal with the stress. I've fooled myself into thinking that if I occupy myself with other things that bug me, then college (etc) won't bug me as much. Which is why I've been so bitter in choir, so full of attitude at home, so quiet at drumline.
But, I thought again. Yes, I remember. But I also remember district choir last January, being in rehearsal and watching Dr. Stroope put all of his energy into creating the most beautiful sounds from us, his select choir. Dr. Stroope said something one morning that picked my day up considerably, and since I've remembered it, has picked up my days lately, considerably. I've finally remembered to take things as they come and make them my own, to not let the little things bug me. This has really been working out for me lately - keeping something to look forward to, knowing that things change and that's okay. I'm feeling good.
"Today will be like no other day in your whole life, so you might as well appreciate it." -Dr. Stroope
