Hodie,

Christus natus est.

Hodie, Salvator apparuit:

Laetantur Archangeli;

Hodie exsultant justi, dicentes:

Gloria in excelsis Deo,

Et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis:

Alleluia.

truthful things

I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

Speak only if it improves upon the silence.

There are many causes I would die for. There is not a single cause I would kill for.

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'It might have been.'

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.

If I

"I'm a nerd, okay - I accept it. How about I apply that, focus, develop some clarity, contribute something to the world, don't be so self-centered with the games and puzzles? Maybe I could change the world... Okay, maybe I'm getting carried away. But I think I did figure something out. "I" equals all of the "If"s, added up over "time." The "If"s, those are the possibilities. That's infinite, for all of us. Every day, there are just millions of them. Time. That's finite for each of us. There's no question there. Maybe if you divide the choices by the amount of time you have, the real "I" can emerge depending upon those choices. So in the end, all I can say is you can't figure out a person. Definitely not yourself. You can't maximize a life. What you can do is try to be honest in the choices that you make. Be true to yourself, no matter how embarrassing those choices are. Life is not a science, I realize that. But if I told you that right now I don't have a point system of some kind, I'd be a liar. Look, I'm a guy who does palindromes and tells jokes about leather jackets, because that gives me some meaning, at least for now. You know what? I apologize for none of it. Because the unexamined life is not worth living, man."

http://www.inbflat.net/

it's time.

you came from heaven to earth to show the way

from the earth to the cross, my debt to pay.

from the cross to the grave,

from the grave to the sky

lord, i lift your name on high.

we lift your name higher and higher.

got you going through the motions.

I just wanted to tell you that you make me want to tear myself apart.

I don't understand why this is happening to us.

Lightness

Love is not real. Movie-Love. True Love. It doesn't exist.

However.

"I think you have the important kind of love down"

meant more to me than anything else you've ever said.

Thank you, K.

"I and Love and You."

So much conflict.

gonna take it all and set me free.

Music is a very special thing; something not unlike a miracle, rich with history and the potential to move people and change lives.

The stage is sacred. It's above the ground so that people can see the magic when it happens; so that people can see something bigger than the sum of its parts; something louder than the same dumb joke, brighter than the latest neon trend. Tell us your story. Show us your heart. Remind us of our own. Point to something. In the silence between songs, point to something that matters, some question or problem that steals your sleep at night. Invite us to be part of the solution.

Maybe the lessons are not just for the guys with microphones. Maybe this stuff applies to all of us. It's been said that all the world's a stage and that maybe we all have some kind of influence and opportunities to say real things and move people. The stage in front of the crowd is this obvious place where it happens, but maybe it's true that we each have our songs to sing and venues to play. We each get a few people who listen and a few people to listen to. We each have our jobs and our schools and all the places where life happens. We live in a world filled with needs and opportunities. Every person has a story. There's plenty of room for meaning, depth and change. Don't buy the lie that says there's only room for jokes and it's cooler not to care about anything. The bar has been set way too low. There's room for magic and inspiration. There's room to live a better story.

The show starts now.

this is the sound of settling.

Every day is a new day to live without the obsession of self. Freedom is found in truth alone and in truth, love abounds. The only thing in this world that makes life worth living is love. It is love that gives hope. Without hope, all perseverance is lost - and without perseverance, the chance of growing our character is non-existent.

Press on. Be strong. You were created for greatness.

lately

"Father, forgive me for letting my difficulties ruin my attitude. I want to be a blessing to others no matter my personal circumstances. Convict me with your Spirit when I begin to focus too much on myself and my situation. Expand my heart with your grace so that I can use my inconveniences, problems, struggles, and challenges to be opportunities to share and to display your grace. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen."

good thing verseoftheday.com knows i'm acting bitchy and more like a child every day i get closer to moving in to college.

i'm all at sea.

it isn't even just that some people are leaving and some people are changing and some people are staying and some people are doing all of the above. it isn't even just that this part of my life is ending and a new part of my life is starting. it isn't even just that i'm nervous because i'm out of shape and i don't know my music and i think nobody's going to like me. it isn't even just that it's all of those things on top of everything. it's that, even though i'm still me and you're still you and my family will be right here when i come home, everything is changing. everybody's lives are changing. everything is changing.

"some people look back on high school and think, 'oh, i'd really like to go back to that,' but really, the best years of your life haven't even started yet."

peaces.

""Goodbye" is a song and dance that has become so familiar in this summer of ends and beginnings. In a lack of proper perspective, I have had some tearful farewells--there was too much focus, at least on my part, on the end."

nobody's favorite beatle is ringo starr.

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.

twloha

"Hope isn't something you create, it's something you let inside."

"It's been said that "All the world's a stage." We all have an audience. We all have some kind of influence. We all have a story and a voice. Our lives are our songs. Our hearts are our songs. It's okay to ask real questions. It's okay to say real things. Let's make things that matter and move, and let's chase after those things as well."

Clarissa Dalloway // Sally Seton

I'm pretty sure you honest to god love someone when their presence is so soothing you can fall asleep with them on hot dirty concrete.

only seeds of doubt in our garden grow.

Last night,
in the middle of a dream,
I reached for you
but you were fading.
How can you be so sure,
so safe, and so secure,
when all we really know
will soon be changing?

play it, girl.

Did you believe them when they told you they discovered you, and that everything is free as long as you do what they tell you to? You think it's true? Nothing could be further from the truth, my love. Did you even listen when they told you to change your name, and that nobody wants honesty when looking at a perfect frame? Play the game. Does it make you feel good when they tell you what you want to hear? After they suck all your soul, well that's when they'll dissappear. Dissappear. They'll dissapear forever, like a prince in your little fairy tale. And you will find, one day you put your soul on sale.
Nothing could be further from the truth, my love.
Nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world.

You're Missing Everything Down Here.

I can hear the marching band from my bedroom where I plan to hide. Come on inside.

Today it is raining a million raindrops on the ground. One more quarter left in the school year. Just one. Three more shows until Wildwood, one or two of which I won't get to perform in. One rehearsal until opening night. Five performances of Footloose this weekend. One choir concert, just one. No A Cappella performances. Five scholarships to fill out tonight. Three months until choir camp. Two until graduation. Graduation. Everything's numbers lately. I guess that's what happens. Feeling a bit indifferent towards the world today. Need to remember to take one day at a time and appreciate every little thing. Gotta find my mojo, gotta find that one thing that brings me back. I think it's the sun, but today I'm kinda s.o.l. in that area. One day at a time. Dont' feel like myself quite yet. Getting there.
Java and the park with Shelby tomorrow. A much needed Shelby-and-Angee-Time.

Are you ready to go? On with the show.

every little thing..

WATCH

THE

ENTIRE

VIDEO

trust me, please please please.

i know it's eight minutes long

but you need to understand;

this made my night better.

this made my life better.

things have been .. well, chaotic and stressful and ridiculous lately,

but i'm going to live by this for the next little while

and see how it goes.

i'm feeling good about this already.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjVhWfDOQVs&feature=related

singin' don't worry about a thing,

because every little thing is gonna be alright...

wait until the dust gets settled

"the best you can do is put your chin up and push through it."


i don't have the time to be not fine.

I lost my footing and I fell into the night.

I need the windows to stop rattling. I need the wind and cold to go away, and the sun to come out. I need my sick, my cold to leave my body. I need to find my sense of belonging again. I need to stop acting like everyone's mother. I need to get over him. I need to get my focus back from wherever I lost it. I need to go to college, but first I need to get over my fear of commitment, of change especially. I need to grow some patience. I need to put my priorities in order. I need to grow up. I need to go away, to get out - I need to be by myself, I need to be with everyone. 

I need to stop spending all my time thinking about what I need.

I need motivation.

"I need to live. Don't tell me to wait."

Hard Work Actually Does Pay Off, No Way!

Meaning, I got accepted to West Chester University's Music Program!

I'm so excited, I want to throw up. I cried when I got the email. I'm going to cry again when I get the letter in the mail. I don't know what to do with myself.

My audition was yesterday, I can't believe how quickly they got back to me - the email was sent at 530 yesterday afternoon! -whistles- The audition felt good. It felt like the best audition I'd ever had. And that, my friends, is a phenomenal feeling. Especially given my track record of auditions. To be honest, I usually crap out completely, lose my mind. I was sure I'd cry yesterday, on the way to the school, at the school, before the audition, after the audition. But I felt great, and I think that's because I felt prepared. I knew what I was doing. Yay college :) Now to work on the financial stuff - lots of scholarship applications to get working on.

-----

In other news, we had off today and I did nothing with the extra time save for sleep in, shovel, and freak out about college. Of course. After the excitement wore off I kind of just sat around for a while, read through peoples' facebooks, creeped. Of course. I know the excitement will come back tomorrow when I see my friends, but at the moment everything's pretty neutral. I'm Switzerland at the moment. And I happen to know that some people haven't been having the greatest times lately. I found this on youtube a while ago and sent it to some who I thought could use it. I found it again today, and it made me feel good about life. Somehow, little weird quirky things like this do that to me. All the time. So this? This is for Eva, this is for Shelby. This is for whoever needs it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRLQx9ceKLo

Let it help you.

Gravity Released Me.

"...A t-shirt pulled from one of your drawers early on a tired silent morning - i hope you feel less alone when you look in the mirror. i hope it reminds you of community, that you're part of a bigger thing. i hope it sparks some conversation that brings change like a fire on the coldest night.

You'll need more than us. You'll need more and better. You'll need other people. You'll need people to help you process, people to help you let go, people to help you remember what's true and people to help you forget what's lies. You'll need the stories and advice of people with gray hair or white hair or no hair at all. Don't buy the lie that suggests they have nothing to offer or nothing to say - they were young once too. They are stories still going and they've seen the places you will go. They've been stuck at times as well, just like you and me and everyone.

You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."


I have my first college audition on tuesday, at West Chester University. For a long time, talking about college, thinking about college, being in the presence of somebody who was thinking about college - I wanted no part of it. For a long time, the word "audition" made me really, ridiculously nervous. For a long time, I've hated the fact that a professor who has no idea who I am holds the next four years of my life in his or her calloused hands. However. Lately, things have been changing. People change, friends change, weather changes, classes change. Plans change, facts change, tastes change, places change. I change, and so do you. Obviously. Obviously. I say that, but it makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite (for lack of a better word) because I only accept this obvious thing sometimes, on and off. Not always. I'd like to, you know. I'd like to accept it and move on. So I've been trying this new thing, where I let the little things roll off me, like water off a duck (yay similies!). Where I don't get down when there's no reason to. Jason Mraz says, "it's our time to make the most of it." I'm working on that. So, this new thing I'm trying includes trying to accept that graduation, college, future is coming and I can't do anything to slow that down - only to make it worth it. At the moment, I'm not going to worry about what'll happen when that time comes. I know we're all going to be separated. I know we're going to change, I know things will be different. I know, we all know. But at the moment, I'm not going to let it get me down. When that time comes, we'll work through it. We will. And I know that even though we go away, we separate, we change - Home is always going to be Home. We're always going to have this place to come back to, to put ourselves back in check. Home's not going to change. Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Cousin, Puppy, bedroom, home - everything's going to stay part of us. The place we've called our own for so long, the places in which we've created and destroyed and renovated and hand-me-downed ideas and clothing and objects and friendships and relationships -- that's not going to change, that's not going to leave us. I'm excited for my audition, I think. I am, I'm excited. And whatever happens from that is what happens, you know? And it'll be good, whatever it is - because we'll make it good. Nobody else is going to make it good for us. Dr. Stroope said, "this day will be like no other in your life, so you might as well appreciate it." I get that. I like that. I agree. Do you?


"We're still alive, you see. You and I on this night that's never happened before. Spread out across a giant circle, winter on one side and summer on the other, day and night the same. And then it moves and turns and changes. Things are always changing."

Thank you, TWLOHA. Thank you. It's the truth.

i'd rather not say "i can't."

yo firecracker: alkjsdfkljsdlfkjLKJSDFLKJSDLFKJSDF

yo firecracker: OH

yo firecracker: MY

yo firecracker: LORD

girovuelta: ?

yo firecracker: by the way.

yo firecracker: today

yo firecracker: mr tucker

yo firecracker: told the jazz band

yo firecracker: that if the teachers don't get a contract by feb 2,

yo firecracker: the jazz band won't be allowed to do competitions.

yo firecracker: competition season is the reason jazz band exists.

yo firecracker: AND.

yo firecracker: tucker also said.

yo firecracker: that the spring concerts (band, choir, orch, etc) are more than likely gonig to be held. DURING. SCHOOL. what the hell, man. what the hell.

yo firecracker: the choir hasn't / won't be doing any of the community singing things

yo firecracker: at all

yo firecracker: this entire year

yo firecracker: no new york, no competitions, no invitationals, no nothing.

yo firecracker: no. nothing.

yo firecracker: i'm so. pissed. off.

yo firecracker: i can't

yo firecracker: no, i'm not pissed. i'm frustrated

yo firecracker: to the point where i can't make myself focus on the fact that i am a senior, that i am going to graduate eventually, that i am in a decent school.

So I'm frustrated. I can't help it. And I don't know what to do about it. I know there are a million things I could do, but to be perfectly honest, there's no way I could get up at a board meeting and speak. There's no way I could handle that. I'm not mature enough to get up in front of those people and speak in a coherent, mature or calm manner. I'd absolutely explode. This is why I commend all the adults and students who have the power inside them to speak their minds effectively. It's unbelievable, the weakness I feel when I try to stand up for what I feel, or think about doing so. And it hurts. I know we're all hurting from this. I'm just in disbelief at the way our senior year is being ripped apart. Nothing's working.

2009 is recieved.

I myself am made entirely of flaws, 

stitched together with good intentions. 

-Augusten Burroughs